Okay. So first of all I wanna warn you that this post will be very disorganized. It may just contain nonsensical ramblings or whatever. I just write what comes into my mind. No constraints. No edits. No furnishing. Just raw musings. : DD
So okay, I’m composing this post at this ungodly hour just because I wanna type down what my mind has just come to realize a few minutes ago. Though, this thought has been playing in my mind a few weeks or so, I always push it out. Or I just consider it somewhat of no importance.
I kind of been reminiscing a part of my past- high school to be exact- and I can’t help but smile and the same time feel sad. I realized during these first months of my college.. how fun and amazing my high school was. Indeed it may have been difficult especially academically but all the memories made were worth it. And I tell you, that’s a lot coming from a usually indifferent person. I don’t “miss” and I have no real idea how you actually miss something or someone. I have always placed in my mind that there’s nothing to miss because you’re still alive- you can still see them in the future. But as I come to wonder about how I feel when watching past videos or pictures of my four-years in high school, I can’t help but say maybe I do miss those times. I actually won’t go as far as saying “Hey, I miss you” or whatever cheesy and chummy words or phrases but maybe I can admit that when I look back into the events in high school, I actually think that it would be nice to experience them again. That it would be nice to relive those moments. Funny, really how you just don’t give any care to your surroundings when you were still there, at that very position in space and time but when you stop experiencing those things, you realize their value.
Okay. So why did I come to this? And that I actually can’t fight the urge to write these down?
The Answer? A batchmate of mine offhandedly said that once, she had a talk with her mates and they happen to come upon a topic about our section and how seemingly close we are with each other. Like, as she said it, they can see no defined factions within our section and they can observe that we are able to unify in critical times.
I know she just said it like it’s not a big deal. I mean, that it’s just a simple observation. Nothing much, really. Though she did say that they’re somehow envious of the fact that we are so tightly packed. Haha.
But seriously speaking, this statement made me ponder on the thought of it. Yes. We are actually a really close section. I mean, we do have our fights, our misunderstandings, our tantrums, our constant bickering and all those serious matters that are better left untouched but in the middle of all of it, I can’t deny that we ARE very close. We may have had our differences and our naive snide commenting but at the same time, we all have compassion for each other. We do care, in our own way. And I believe that our section will not be our section if one of us disappears. It’s as if every one is vital in what defines our section. And once again, this is a lot coming from a somewhat stoic person.
I am not known for my compassion. And yes, I can be very cold when I want to, though I do not show that a lot. But seriously, I just feel awkward saying chummy things whatsoever. It’s weird, really.
Okay. As I realized the complex closeness of our section, I also came across the simple fact that everything will never be the same. I mean, college is fun and all, what with the freedom and new adventures but I still think it will never be like high school. It can never suffice to the security our high school all in all has provided us with. That our friendship made possible for us. It’s the fact that you know that you belong somewhere. The confidence that no matter how unconventional your whole entity may be, you’ll find friends to confide with. That someone will accept you. I know I may sound like a childish person who just can’t let go of a teddy bear or something but I can’t help realize that it is true. High school was really fun, I just realized. And it’s funny how time flew so fast. One point in time, we were innocent kids who entered the premises of the school, unmindful of what is to come and just simply excited to discover new things and excitement in life. And now, we are in college and the reality that we would soon be working and paying for our own needs is starting to sink in. It’s like that when we were high school, we were sheltered curious kittens who just wanna have fun. But now, we must start acting mature and tough in order for us to survive the harsh real world out there. Haha. I’m starting to get serious in my topic, huh?
Also, one thing that I’ve noticed is how people tend to compare the attitudes of the people here in college to the people back in high school. Haha. Really shows how close we are, ei? It actually makes me smile to think of that subconscious behavior of some classmates of mine. However, one of my professors said that she does not believe that high school was more fun than college because she said that she met really uniquely amazing people in college that she didn’t get in high school. But I don’t think that actually applies to us. I actually believe that our high school was a microcosm or a really good representative sample (nerd) of my university right now. Plus, I get to know my classmates better because I can see them every hour, every day. I can interact with them even after classes, during breaks and even during weekends. Weird how our seemingly useless banters can actually bring a smile to my face when I replay them in my mind. It;s actually those times that are quite.. I may as well go far as to use the word ‘precious’. It’s those times that one can actually laugh casually without inhibits. Where your cussing is accepted. Where your seemingly vulgar or hurtful words are not treated as such. Where, for some people, you can just be yourself. Funny also how you can just offhandedly throw away smartass comments or ‘insults’. In fact, it just shows how close you are when you can seemingly just call him or her something akin to bitch or maybe bastard and no one actually gets offended.
I can’t believe I’m actually typing these stuff down. And what more, I can’t believe that I just had these realizations when we already graduated. And that doing those times, you can’t put much appreciation in the happenings. Some even go far as to curse as to why they even bothered studying there or why this school is trying to kill them for amusement or why can’t they just be left alone or how much longer ’til they graduate already. Well, they do say that you will come to realize the importance of something when you lose them.- Well, it is true. But I don’t think I have regrets. I had so much fun in many ways than one. I was absolutely entertained. The company was welcoming. The fights were rejuvenating and the whole experience was simply refreshing. Breathtaking.
I loved my high school life but I don’t intend to get stuck there. I know that I must stop rereading the past in order for me to proceed wholeheartedly with the next chapter of my life. And this, is the next chapter of my life. College. I must give it my all if I want to succeed and get what I dream of. But, of course, I don’t intend to forget my high school life. Afterall, you can never understand a book midway without remembering the past events. I plan to use my high school life as a strength in whatever way it may appear in the events to come. I plan to make the most out of my life and not sulk about how fun my everything was when I can still make it into how much more fun it IS and it WILL BE. : ))