Okay… The topic’s quite random. But I really want to write about it right now. And I’m not going to be talking about me starting to change, mind you. It’s just that SOME people are starting to change around me and I do believe I can’t comprehend with things anymore and I can’t decipher the actions or the reasons to the actions of the people I mingle with everyday.
I don’t really mingle with them. It’s just that I kind of always get to see their faces everyday. We’re classmates afterall. And friends at that.
Life’s complicated. Seriously.
Have you ever felt that some people around you are starting to be distant? Like there’s that big gap between you already? And that the specific reason as to why, you can’t pinpoint what?
I’m starting to get that feeling. And it’s disturbing.
It’s not to me personally. But some people around me are starting to part with each other. Like they’re going down the ladder of friendship and that they start to keep secrets from each other when they usually don’t. And worse, speak about each other behind their backs. Not that I am directly involved.
When people close to you are starting to act strange or out of the ordinary, you can’t help but to feel that something must have gone amiss. And if your friends are starting to drift away, you have the right to think that you must have done something not good, right?
Especially when you’re the spectator. A close, observant spectator.
When you’re at the sidelines, you tend to be more objective. Not that I’m bragging, but I believe that this is accurate. Emotions tend to cloud our ability to make good decisions. If you are directly involved, emotions are usually getting the better of you. Because YOU felt it. You felt the anger, the hurt, the sadness. Everything. It was you. It was you who went through it. And this will definitely stir up your emotions. That’s why, it’s better to have a friend to talk to when they are not involved but saw the whole thing.
A friend of mine is acting out of the ordinary nowadays. Though I can’t fully blame him/her for his/her behavior. I have understood his/her side and have learned to accept his/her reasons because I think he/she had a point. If I were at his/her situation, I think I would do the same. I think I would leave my usual attitude aside and start to be more secure and less open. I would change. I would probably become tired of things. Because I believe that they can’t understand me or my actions. I think it would be for the better.
I know that these are my friends’ dilemmas and I shouldn’t stick my nose to it.
But we’re friends, right?
I am confused as to what I SHOULD do. I really need to fill in the gap and patch things up. But I am uncertain because maybe I’ll be doing the opposite of what will make things better. That I’ll be further straining the already loose bonds between them.
I really want things to turn back to what it has always been. For things to become normal again. For them to be close again to each other. But I can’t find a direct solution to that. I can’t find a good solution to the currently not-so-good situation. And they are not being cooperative.
God, help me. I am doomed.
I am messed up. I so lost my interest in writing this in the middle part. My thoughts kind of mixed and I got and still am having a hard time to arrange things =))