Change: It can happen to anyone & anything.

Everyone can change, right?

Okay… The topic’s quite random. But I really want to write about it right now. And I’m not going to be talking about me starting to change, mind you. It’s just that SOME people are starting to change around me and I do believe I can’t comprehend with things anymore and I can’t decipher the actions or the reasons to the actions of the people I mingle with everyday.

I don’t really mingle with them. It’s just that I kind of always get to see their faces everyday. We’re classmates afterall. And friends at that.

Life’s complicated. Seriously.

Have you ever felt that some people around you are starting to be distant? Like there’s that big gap between you already? And that the specific reason as to why, you can’t pinpoint what?

I’m starting to get that feeling. And it’s disturbing.

It’s not to me personally. But some people around me are starting to part with each other. Like they’re going down the ladder of friendship and that they start to keep secrets from each other when they usually don’t. And worse, speak about each other behind their backs. Not that I am directly involved.

When people close to you are starting to act strange or out of the ordinary, you can’t help but to feel that something must have gone amiss. And if your friends are starting to drift away, you have the right to think that you must have done something not good, right?

Especially when you’re the spectator. A close, observant spectator.

When you’re at the sidelines, you tend to be more objective. Not that I’m bragging, but I believe that this is accurate. Emotions tend to cloud our ability to make good decisions. If you are directly involved, emotions are usually getting the better of you. Because YOU felt it. You felt the anger, the hurt, the sadness. Everything. It was you. It was you who went through it. And this will definitely stir up your emotions. That’s why, it’s better to have a friend to talk to when they are not involved but saw the whole thing.

A friend of mine is acting out of the ordinary nowadays. Though I can’t fully blame him/her for his/her behavior. I have understood his/her side and have learned to accept his/her reasons because I think he/she had a point. If I were at his/her situation, I think I would do the same. I think I would leave my usual attitude aside and start to be more secure and less open. I would change. I would probably become tired of things. Because I believe that they can’t understand me or my actions. I think it would be for the better.

I know that these are my friends’ dilemmas and I shouldn’t stick my nose to it.

But we’re friends, right?

I am confused as to what I SHOULD do. I really need to fill in the gap and patch things up. But I am uncertain because maybe I’ll be doing the opposite of what will make things better. That I’ll be further straining the already loose bonds between them.

I really want things to turn back to what it has always been. For things to become normal again. For them to be close again to each other. But I can’t find a direct solution to that. I can’t find a good solution to the currently not-so-good situation. And they are not being cooperative.

*sighs*

God, help me. I am doomed.

P.S.

I am messed up. I so lost my interest in writing this in the middle part. My thoughts kind of mixed and I got and still am having a hard time to arrange things =))

Advertisements

Stress Journal

Hey guys.

For your convenience, I’ll willingly take the liberty to give a little intro to this post…This post will be for academic purposes. I’m currently composing this school requirement, a stress journal, which my new health teacher asked us to do every week. Yep. No choice. I must (and will) accomplish this task. Not that I’m complaining, anyways. But, really, feel free to skip this post.

Okay. Let’s go over this post now…

10/01/10-Friday

First day of a new month. Fresh start…….. NOT

Why is that?
You know, I just came back from being absent yesterday due to my hurting foot (vehicle accident.. yada-yada) and I am once again faced with oh-so-many “STRESSORS”. Gods… They have no mercy! I really wanted to give in to the temptation of my inviting bed, snuggle in it and just let the sun set once again. But that was not one of my ‘good’ alternatives, anyway. =(

Now off to my day’s issues.

Topping my list of ‘stressors’ are the two long tests we just confronted this day: Math 4 and Computer Science.

Math 4– I missed 3 sessions of this subject and I’m taking the long exam already. What could be more depressing?? Not that I cared really but I somehow wanted to add a dramatic effect so, yeah, that line. But just for the record: I have this not-so-low-yet-not-so-high grade in this 1.5 units subject so I actually can’t bear to live the day of failing yet another LT. I absolutely felt anxious before the exam but, of course, what possibly else could I have done? None really. So I settled for my only option: Study for the exam. *sighs*. I utilized my break times and converted them into study times. Cramming. Yet my only choice at that time.

Now with CompSci–

To be frank, I really hate memorizing! I mean, seriously!!! I can’t picture out the things we are talking about and I’m here memorizing their names and definition. No offense meant here. I do not like memorizing in anything. It puts a great deal of exhaustion to my brain. Okay. Like I can complain.

Our test talked about concepts and I felt like hell as I let my pen glide along my answer sheet. I was unsure with my answers and I felt like my mind was in dreamland. I was sleepy. I slept late last night for a reason I-don’t-know-what. Yes, I know. Very unscholarly. Very.

Actually, the tests weren’t that bad but that fact that I wasn’t able to study the night before made things not go my way or at least in my favor.

The day was definitely not mine. >(

10/04/10-Monday

Integration day. Yehey!

We didn’t have much classes today. And aside from my Chemistry make-up LT, the day was relieving and of no major happenings. We had no class since three in the afternoon and some of my classmates already headed home by that time. I, too, decided to go home earlier than usual.

Now what greeted me after arriving at home earlier? Power shortage. Damn. What do I get after being a good student and child? This?! Yeah right. Such irony. I am bound to take the Bio and M4 quarter exams tomorrow and here I am waiting for the light bulb to shine or for any clue of electricity. I really felt nervous. Nervous, as a matter of fact, is not quite a good term. Maybe worried? It’s just that I was thinking of my exams tomorrow and about how I can’t study yet since I can’t see the writings on the textbooks and hand-outs AND I can do nothing about it. What if the power won’t return until morning and I won’t be able to review my lessons? It will be beyond perturbing.

Now my solution to my problem? Sleep. I won’t be able to do anything fruitful anyway so I settled for studying in the morning where sunlight would aid me in studying. That’s two hours. Better than destroying my eyes reading in pure darkness. Who knows? The power may come back before sunrise. Now that will give me more time.

10/05/10-Tuesday

Exams: First day

*sighs*

The day was exhausting. I honestly wasn’t able to read much about my Bio subject so there I was using the process of elimination to supply the answers to the test questions. Very disturbing. Bio is my lowest mark and I’ll definitely feel bad if I won’t be able to lift up my grade. And maybe I do have the right to feel bad right now since the possibility of me getting a fair score in that test was way low.

Now that is worthy of being called stress-causing situation.

I truly don’t care much about my grades but getting a failing or low score is a big no-no. Not that I’m not used to it but… I mean, getting a below passing score? It’s sooo… sooo.. I don’t know. Aaargh, Okay. Anyway, I think you do get the point. Right?

Anyways, lingering on what is already done will do me no good. So here I will be, studying for tomorrow’s exams: Chem, Fil, Socsci

P.S. BROWNOUT!!!!!  Power returned at about 9. AAAAHHH!!

10/06/10-Wednesday

Like they say, “Grades aren’t always everything.”.

The keyword to that sentence? Always. ALWAYS. Get the always and I might feel lighter. But with the always, that sentence will never comfort me.

My SocSci grade will probably be going down the drain this quarter. The test was difficult. The most so far. It really took a toll on my memorizing capabilities which, mind you, is way weak and almost unworthy of mention. Help me gods. Nope. I need GOD to salvage my scores. To add up to this, my recitation points are also embarrassing. The actual symbol of it, I’d rather keep it to myself. ;( . No one would want to see a big O right now, right?

I really tried (and succeeded) to lift my attention from this and transfer it to studying for my subjects tomorrow. God, help me tomorrow.

10/07/10-Thursday

Almost finished.

Exam week-slash-Hell week is almost over and I can’t wait for tomorrow. But before I go on with how happy I feel about the exams being almost done, I’d rather talk about the happenings today.

“I had my CS3 and ENG3 exams today and the difficulty was moderate. I can cope with it.”

I’d really love to say those word above but I believe that doing so would cause me to sin. I would be lying and deceiving myself.

The test was not really difficult but the majority of the questions, in CS3, happened to be about the topic I took for granted. I kind of internalized the other topic and failed to do the same with the other one. Bad luck. Very bad luck.

As for English, I memorized the “what? when? who?” of the story Ramayana and not the way the story goes. I do comprehend the story but not every tiny detail of it. Especially the reasons. The type of test was not the usual type my English teacher gives. Too bad.

Okay!! I’m going to proceed to the subjects I’ll be taking tomorrow. Past is past!!

10/08/10-Friday

Hell week is done!!!!! Hurrah!

It didn’t go smoothly. though. Before I can actually bask in the great feeling of going through the Exam week and living after it, I had to get tortured by my elective exams. Yeah. The test had no time limit but that didn’t make it answerable by me. I could have stayed in the library answering the test and I still wouldn’t be able to finish such test. I don’t know how to answer such questions. I suck at those type of problems. *sighs*.

Another stress-causing event would be almost not getting my desired number for my juniors jersey. I have long anticipated of getting the number 4 and I almost wasn’t able to achieve such feat (yep, it’s a feat for me). Keyword: Almost. I was luckily able to convince some people concerned to give up the number and just hand it to me. And I was able to do so! YEY! I am so excited for the Intramural which is drawing near by each second.

Okay. Now back to the topic.

My last (I hope) “stressor” for this week would be composing this journal. Aaah! Just when I thought I was free and can finally curl up in bed and visit Dreamland at an early time, I am obliged to submit this. Talk about wrong timing. Yeahyeah. If I did this beforehand, I might have my break time.. yeah okay… Time management. XPP

Acceptance. That will be the only thing I can do right now. Just accept such obligation and do it willingly. Or is this adaptation? Ahahaha.

‘Til next time.

THE END

P.S. This post is substandard in composition. Sorry sir. I’m tired. I’ll probably go over it next time and edit a few minor details. Anyway, that’s all, I’m now off to dreamland. Night!

Once in a lifetime chance. Or at least I would want to put it that way.

Hey. Nice Afternoon. :))

Okay. At least I can greet you that way today despite my aching body. Or more specifically, right foot and arms. They’re decorated with wounds, scratches, lacerations and bruises right now and I can feel the piercing pain as I put one foot in front of the other.

It’s excruciating. Seriously.

Let me tell you a tale that just started yesterday night.

We had this review in math which is in preparation for PMO and other math contests. Mind you, I’m not participating in a contest but I happen to place 4th in the entrance exam of such Math honors class. Yeah, I know. It sucks. Anyway, we were scheduled to start at 5pm and end at 8pm but it so happened that the teacher wasn’t there even at 6pm. We still waited… Nah… We actually played Badminton in our school’s gym until almost 7 something using the waiting as an excuse to come home late. ;)))) . Okay. When the clock struck 7 something, we decided to head for home. And this time, we used the Leganes route, riding a trike and a Leganes jeep.

Now, I dropped off the Jaro plaza and waited for my next ride. I kind of contemplated about what jeep will I ride this time (I usually ride the NFA jeep with Thea and Jason). Since I was alone, I decided to go for the CPU jeep coz its faster that way.

Now here I am in front of the building beside YMCA. I looked at my left and then started to cross the street. I was one step to the center when I felt like a bag, a ton-heavy one at that, was thrown at me. My vision turned fuzzy and almost pitch black. I heard a noise, almost shouting, coming from a person and most likely from a male one when I found myself falling to the side. I heard a shattering sound and I opened my eyes to see a motorcycle, near me, with its side touching the cold and hard black road. That’s when I realized that I was almost killed by a motorcycle. Stupidly, I even found time to check the irony of things as I always ride a motorcycle when going to school and now finding my self almost murdered by the said vehicle.

But that’s not what scared my the most.

I quickly sat down from my falling position, which unluckily I forgot what, and felt my right foot to my right knee throbbing with a pain I cannot pinpoint what. “Daw nag biring”. That’s how I can describe it. I didn’t put any care to the other vehicles that passed that area of accident nor the people staring form the sides. All I cared at that moment was checking the status of my knee and everything below it. I found myself looking for a broken bone or dislocated joint with undivided concentration. When I took in the idea that there was none, I heaved a sigh. Now, that was the best feeling I’ve ever got these days. Relief. Thank God, I didn’t suffer from something too serious.

I started getting up on my toes when I felt hands grab me from behind.

Okay. Easy. The guy on motorcycle just helped me up. (:DD) I then turned to face him and then I kind of gave an expression I can’t identify. Everything I felt probably surfaced on my face. I even said sorry because I believe that he was injured too—- He flew off a motorcycle. Who wouldn’t get scratches? —- Okay. He answered with, “Ako gni dapat magpangayo pasensya”….. Now that was relieving. He then questioned me if I felt any type of pain and I foolishly answered no. N-O. What? Who can blame me? I honestly didn’t feel any twinge of pain at that time! AT THAT TIME, mind you. Weee!

I then chose to cross the remaining distance to the opposite side. Okay. Here goes the bystanders. Nope. They’re old people. Phew. They asked me questions which I honestly anticipate would come. Not always do you see a Philsci student at that place almost run down by a motorcycle. I answered them truthfully– I have nothing else to say, anyways.
They even asked if I had a trauma and can’t ride home alone. Nah. No trauma, seriously no trauma. They pointed at my foot and that’s when it sank to me that I was undoubtedly heavily injured. There was even a splat of blood on my skirt, right on top of my knee. Damn.

When I guaranteed them that I was fine, they left and I headed for the jeepney (I even recognized the jeep. I have ridden on this one many times that I can already picture out the old face of the old driver).

I was alone at my favorite jeepney seat spot when I finally felt the biting pain. Holy shit. Now that’s what you call real shit. It really took a great self-control to prevent me from whimpering.

Now, when I entered my house’s premises, I announced to my parents—casually— minor things concerning the incident. Now that kind of sent their composed faces to Neverland. Scratch the kind of. They were really shocked. They hurriedly cleaned the wound and deliberated whether to take me to the hospital or just do the first-aid on their own. I didn’t want to make an in-the-nick-of-time visit in the hospital. No way. Nuh-oh. And yep, they decided to settle for the latter. Yey. — Now off to the next happening— As they put betadine on my cuts, I absolutely tried very hard to choke in the shout threatening to escape my lips. My skin and part of the flesh was scraped for goodness sake!!!! Of course it will hurt. Xit. Hahaha.

My brother then took care of the woundS when he arrived. Now that’s our nurse!! XD Cold-compress-slash-ice was massaged on my bruises. I even washed the wounds with running water—- It hurt (Hurt is an understatement)—. They then discussed and interrogated me for the major details and with what truly happened. Being the stupid me, I didn’t ask for the motor’s plate number. They badly reprimanded me for that. I never thought that I had much injuries! I only assumed that what I got were only scratches so I found the asking for the plate number thing unnecessary. Too bad that one should never be assuming.

Right now, I’m enduring the fact that I cannot move my right ring toe (Is there such thing?) and that every step will be agonizing. And I am all alone typing on this computer as my parents and brother are attending the latter’s oath-taking at Iloilo’s Grand Hotel. Nurseeee…

Yeah right. *sighs* Anyway……

That’s about it. Pardon me for the substandard composition of this blog. My thoughts are scattered and its quite hard to put them together.

Til next time.

P.S.
Never mess with a motorcycle running with a tire turning at a gazillion times per minute. XDD

This day rocks… I’m being sarcastic, you know.

Hey! I’m back again!

Okay. To start things, I would want to see on the screen of my computer a reminder (for me) that there’s a lot of things due tomorrow which range from like a minor English assignment to a major work in the form of a research proposal.

Okay. Cut the crap. I am cracking my brain here for some answers or at least tips on what I can and must do to make this so-called concept paper.

This hardship actually goes way back.

We have this Research subject where we, like what the name suggests (of course), are bound to have some researching to do. Now, I belong to this GIP stream which is a group that must have a faster pacing than the other. Oh cool, right? No way. What’s so cool about having an earlier deadline and having a lot of studious type of people around you?? Scratch the latter. No one in the group is really nerdy. It’s just that I input the “and” word and I have nothing sensible in my mind to continue with. XD.

Ok. Shut it. I typed that smiley when I can actually feel that life sucks right now. Tomorrow’s the deadline of this crap and I’m half-done with it. Ahem. The truth is not even one over one millionth done. Aaah. Crap. Damn it with the exaggeration. Excuse that. It’s just that my thoughts are currently mixed up or rather…. messed up. Blahblah. Shitfu**.

Now, what can going-to-my-blog-and-spilling-my-thoughts do to aid me with my oh-yeah complicated problem? Nothing. Damn. All I know right now is that I won’t allow myself to fail this course-slash-requirement.

I’m probably tired physically and tired of the thought to actually edit the concept paper. I can’t relate to it and the format’s too far with my own format. <— It’s not my initial concept paper. It’s my groupmate’s. And I can’t decipher the words. Yeah–right.

Oh crap. This post is nonsense. Ignore this post and just proceed to the next one. Or just shut your pc/laptop down. Byebye. DX

Untitled

Hey.

I’m effing proud of myself right now!! As to why??? I’m typing some random things in this site again! Hurray for me!

Okay… Actually I definitely have nothing particular in my mind right now and I even have no idea as to what pushed me to open this account and start with a new post!!!

Look here. No one (at least someone in the same school) is visiting this site lately so I’ll just type and type randomly.

Tomorrow, we have this, oh well… these… LTs tomorrow and here I am trying to materialize what I’m thinking. Oh wait. There’s none. Okay. This is probably the most nonsense post I have ever composed and yeah. Ok. Wtf.

I had a lot of things that I wanted to write here just before I felt like opening this link, or that’s what i thought, but I really can’t remember, not even the gist, mind you, of what I want to say.

Woah. What an explicit example of a run-on,
Who cares?

Anyway. I’m busted. I’m unquestionably spouting nonsense here… I’ll continue later, I think. Or when my head regains its thoughts!!! NIGHT!